A little update about a little guy

Oh Liam... you have been keeping us on our toes SO much lately. Every day we have Liam's head circumference measured to make sure that the blocked ventricle isn't growing too fast and is smashing his brain. He is supposed to grow 1cm a week. He has big growth days. like 3/4cm days like yesterday. and 1/4cm days like the day before. and then there's no growth days like today. We like those. Because it keeps his growth in check. He has a big head. that's for sure. But all our kids have had them. 99%tile heads. all 3. So we wait. and keep an eye on his growth and make sure it stays on the right growth curve. if it grows too fast, he'll be headed to Primary's for closer observation. if it grows too fast after that, he'll be getting a shunt put in. we are praying this is not the case. The doctor we looked at his head ultrasound pictures with, said that his ventricle is most likely clogged from all the tissue left over that he has from his brain injury. So hopefully it'll just drain itself out. SOON. Liam got switched his his very last cannula! and is getting lower and lower O2 levels. down to almost 1L. He weighs 3.25 lbs!! This weekend or early next week, the occupational therapist is going to start working with him and his oral work. Getting him ready for bottle and nursing. He also graduated to nursery B! GO Liam!! Nursery A (which he was at) is the new baby nursery. The critical babies are in A. B is for more stable babies and C is for almost ready to go home babies. We are very excited about his move. Although, that nursery is a LOT quieter than A. And it makes me uncomfortable. LOL. not used to silence and quiet. But I sure DO enjoy it. I hold Liam daily and every time I do, he is WIDE awake. Almost the whole time. He is a super alert little guy. We are so proud of our little Angel boy and all the progress he is making. Your prayers are working miracles and Heavenly Father is listening!!! Please keep them coming!!! I can't believe the improvement we see in this little guy in his first 5 weeks of life... from this...

To this...

God is good my friends... God is good.

One month down, Eternity to go

A couple summers back I was helping a friend get in shape. She wanted to be able to run a 5k and I decided I'd help her achieve that. While we ran she felt defeated and like she couldn't go any further. No way she'd say. so I'd tell her "let's just go to that mail box and then we'll walk for a few" when we'd reach that mailbox I'd say let's just push it and make it to the next one. And you know what? she would make it. Although she was certain she wouldn't make it to the first one, she did. And not only that, but she made it to the second one. Our minds, our bodies and our spirits are capable of doing SO much more than what we give them credit for. We think we can't make it. But if we try, we not only make it, but go further. Friends ask me how we are making it with Derek working 2 jobs, building our house, driving to park city and back every day, 3 small children and a NICU baby. Just when we think we just cannot handle ANY more in our lives, we are proven wrong. We are SO capable of handling a LOT. How? with the help of our Heavenly Father and family and friends. We thought we had our plate full before... but now we know we can handle everything that is thrown to us. A dear friend of mine wrote me a letter to help me through this difficult time. She's gone through the NICU experience and knows first hand how it feels. In fact, she's gone through a LOT more. Gosh I look up to her. She told me to believe people when they tell me that Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Oh how I believe that. We can handle it because HE is ALWAYS there for us. through everything. THAT'S how we can handle ANYTHING. I can't help but look back to this last month of our lives with so much reverence. So much thankfulness. An experience we will never EVER forget. We have learned so much from Liam, our Heavenly Father and people around us. I will hold this experience so dear to my heart. Liam is doing GREAT. His brain is apparently draining properly now because it's growing normally. The latest ultra sound shows the damage they though he'd had isn't as bad as they thought. He still shows some, but not as severe as previously thought. If you didn't believe in the power of prayer before him, you should now. Because the is living proof of it. His lungs are doing great too. he is up to a high flow cannula. He started on level 5 oxygen (highest) and was upgraded to a 4 but had too many swings of oxygen levels so they dropped him back up to a 5 for now. give him a little more time. He is eating my milk and NOTHING else. he is off iv feedings. He throws up here and there but is handling my milk very well. He is now 3.1 lbs! 1400 grams. what a good boy he is. he LOVES being swaddled. and has a lot of nurses wrapped around his tiny little fingers. He has touched the hearts of a lot of the staff. Everyone feels attached to him and everyone is very surprised at his recovery and improvements he does. I'm not. prayers my friends... prayers. He loves to be held by his momma. His numbers always look great when he's with mommy. And he always poops. yay me! Today he had an eye test and totally aced it. No signs of anything weird. keep the prayers coming my friends. He is living proof that He listens. He knows. and He CARES.

Eternally Grateful.

Eternally grateful. That's how I will feel for the rest of my life. I will look back at this really challenging time in our lives and feel so much thankfulness for the blessings that have poured onto us lately. I feel so completely overwhelmed by people's kindness lately. It brings tears to my eyes to think of the things family, friends and strangers have done for us. I wish I could express how thankful I am for all of it. and explain how much it means to us to have all the support and prayers we've been getting. Liam's progress shows it. He has so much love going his way that it's carrying him through this too. Never through all of this have I felt alone, or unloved or angry at the circumstances. We have felt so much comfort from the spirit. So much peace. We have NO idea what the future holds for Liam, but whatever it is, we are by his side. every single step of the way. with whatever he needs. And we can do this because God will be right next to him too. he'll carry him by one arm, and us the other. He can do this. Whatever the end holds. The biggest challenge of all of this is trying to juggle life, and life at the NICU. Trying to keep the other 3 kids happy. involved. and be present for them as much as possible. Derek visits Liam before work. I go at 10 to make it for his 11am care rounds. I leave the NICU at 2 to make it home for my kids after school and Derek and I go back together after the kids go down for the night till about 930pm. We try to sneak in visits as much as we can without being absent for the other kids and disrupting their lives. it's so hard. I'm exhausted. all the time. but we can do this. My mom and I took the kids to the mall on saturday to have them pick out a blanket to put on Liam's "bed". of course they picked fire trucks. Liam is making great progress. up to 2ml feedings of my milk every 3 hrs. His tummy finally seems to be handling it. and we can not be more grateful for it. This is big for his nutrition. so we pray he continues to handle it well. His respiratory is doing great. he is getting his settings lower and lower. the new concern that has come up is the swelling of one of his ventricles in his brain. it is enlarged due to poor draining of the spinal fluid. if it continues to grow, he will be moved up to primary's to get a shunt put into his brain that will help drain the fluid. We are HOPING and PRAYING that this will resolve itself and not grow any further so we can avoid that. The damage on his left side of the brain seems to be less severe than what they thought it'd be. The right side of the brain still shows "significant" damage. although they still tell us they won't know how it'll affect him. Or how his brain will rewire itself to regain that lost part. Angels are protecting him. And helping him. I know it. I can feel it when I'm by his bedside. The spirit is SO strong around him. I am SO incredibly honored to have this special little guy in my family. He makes me want to be a better person, and mother to him and his siblings at home. We can do this. whatever comes our way. Because we have amazing family and friends who will help us carry on. I have an amazing husband. Who makes me feel so secure and loved. As soon as I'm with him with his arms around me, all uncertainty goes away. Because with him by my side I know I can carry on with whatever it is that's coming our way.

BIG victories

Not only does Liam touch many people's hearts every day, but he also makes big improvements everyday. Some days less than other but yesterday was a big day. Liam was finally able to be taken off his intubation tube. If you ever want to watch a suspenful moment, watch your baby be switched from being intubated to being on a nasal cannula. He wiggled, a lot. it made me SO nervous. but the respiratory therapist was right next to me reassuring me everything was under control and that Liam could breathe just fine. He was just getting used to breathing instead of letting the machine do it for him. Throughout the night, he's been lowered on his oxygen levels and is back to the levels he was on the ventilator. He is doing GREAT on it. that makes this momma SO happy. His throat was a little inflamed from being intubated for 2 weeks so they gave him steroids to help that. But those raise his blood pressure, so he's on medicine for that too now. what a balance. it's an ART to keep this babies stable and happy. The doctor that gave me his update today said "today is probably his best day of life yet." he is doing GREAT. His extremity movements are symetrical and good. He seems comfortable and very strong. His tummy seems soft and has a good color today so they are going to try my milk again today. we'll see how he does with it this time. They have tried twice now to do a spinal tap on him to rule out infection, but have been unsuccesfull getting a good sample. it breaks my heart. But they say he handles them good and stays stable. He's off the billiruben lights now so he can be swaddled! it makes me look like a little snack size burrito. But he LOVES it. he is making leaps and bounds of progress. I finally got to hold him against my skin. He melted onto me. and my heart melted. he was completely content. and so was my heart. it was the closest he's felt to me since he was safe inside me. I sang to him for the two hours that they let me hold him. And I couldn't stop smiling. it was perfect. He will have to have an MRI when he is 6 months old so we know exactly the damage that was done to his brain. So we wait. and wait. Two weeks ago our life was crazy busy. With Derek building our house, two jobs, the kids' schedule, and just life in general. We had a full plate. And now, we have Liam. And his trials. However, I have never felt so secure, and happy and as close to my Heavenly Father as I do now. When life gets completely out of control and we feel like we have a plate that is overflowing on all sides we can turn to our Heavenly Father. He listens. He knows. And he cares for us. He won't let us fall. and if we do, He'll help us get up again and again. Sure there are days that I feel completely overwhelmed with life and our future. But the last few days, I've had a huge sense of peace. So much so that the sad tears are almost put away. Now I have tears of joy. Tears of the Holy Ghost telling me that everything will be fine. no matter what. Tears of the spirit reassuring me that he is there. to comfort me. to be strong for Liam, and my other kids. To make them all feel loved. The best I can. and when I feel like I just can't be there enough for either Liam of my other kids, he reasures me that I'm trying my best. And that Heavenly Father understands. My heart is so completely full of gratitude. for our family, friends, neighbors and complete strangers who have given SO much time and effort into helping us out with our kids, house, house work, food, laundry, and being there for us. I will never be able to express to anyone the complete humble heart I have torwards everyone helping us. I just want to pay it back to everyone. and I will.