New ground

Oh so much has happened since I was able to blog last... I've have NO time to. And when I DO have free time, I spend it with the other kiddies... Sorry folks. Liam has been rocking life. He amazes every one with everything he does. He has all the nurses wrapped around his cute chubby little finger. On April 15th Liam was transported to Primary's Nicu to have a reservoir put in. For you guys that don't know exactly what that is let me explain... a reservoir is kinda like a little button at the side of h is head. there is a little tube that goes into his ventricles and is connected to this little round dime sized circle that sits just under his skin. So it looks like he has a goose egg and a 1" incision.

every day they "tap" the reservoir. How they do this, is by poking his head with a small needle right in the reservoir and drain out spinal fluid that builds up in the reservoir. This should help clean out his ventricles and help things get draining. If his drainage system doesn't start doing its job, they'll have to put in a shunt. now a shunt is something that's permanent unlike the reservoir that comes out in a couple years. the Shunts starts out just like the reservoir in his head, but instead of having to go in daily with a needle, there's a tube that goes from his head, down his neck and chest, and into his belly. That's where the spinal fluid will go and drain into his blood system. Shunts are tricky though. they often have issues and need revisions within the first couple of years. So we were given the choice and we chose the reservoir first. Although only about 30% of kids that get these don't go on to need a shunt, we wanted to give him the chance to avoid the shunt. So we pray we are in that 30%. He's been doing great. and I mean GREAT. Very alert now, taking more feedings by mouth and finishing some. The pressure in his head however, makes him tired and sometimes he just doesn't have the energy to finish the feeds. So we will keep working on that. It looks like we may be up at primary's for a few more weeks. Which I dread. it's SUCH a long drive and the other kids are starting to feel mom being gone more... I HATE IT. I want to be with all my babies. We have been blessed with such amazing friends and family who have prayed, and helped us out SO MUCH. It has not been forgotten and we are still SO GRATEFUL for all the help and love we have been given. All the tender mercies that Heavenly Father shows us daily are a reassurance that he is still looking out for us and is happy with our knees hitting the floor so much. friends, He listens. He cares. and He loves us. Don't forget that. even in times of hardship where we are left wondering WHY?! He knows. So have faith that he will carry you through and keep him in your corner. He will help you finish the fight and make you stronger after it. The kids FINALLY got to hold and meet Liam. My mom heart was SO full to be able to have all my babies under one roof. The kids LOVED seeing him and being with him. Noah specially has had a special connection with Liam. Ever since I told him I was pregnant, he has always been very interested in him. asking me about him every day. When Noah came up to Liam's bedside last Sunday Liam's eyes were WIDE open and looking straight at Noah. He was moving around like crazy and his heart rate shot up. He KNEW exactly who Noah was. that special connection was so alive at that very moment. those two little spirits knew each other before this life. I am SO excited to watch them grow up together. Noah will be Liam's protector for life. Owen didn't know what to think of the whole situation but was still a great sport and held him and kissed him. Sophie was an adorable big sister and kissed him lots and told him how stinking cute he was.

This little chubs is almost 6lbs!!!

An Old Soul

Every day I wake up, make my husband his lunch, pump, get kids fed, changed and off to school, pump again, get ready to go to the hospital, arrive at the hospital and pump again, and then I reach my destination. Liam's bedside. I softly call out his name and he wakes up. He looks at me and every worry in the world is washed away. Not just two little eyes looking back at me. But two big windows to an amazing old soul. I've been told by nurses who have him for the first time, that they look at him and see SO much depth. they see an old soul. He knows what he's doing, and how to get the job done. He knows exactly why he's here, and his mission. All the worries about him go away as soon as he looks at me with those big eyes and I just feel joy. to the be mom of this amazing little spirit. How did we get so lucky to have him? My testimony and faith in God is strengthened every single day because of him. He is blowing everyone at the NICU away with his improvements. Liam is weighing in at just over 4lbs. (he was born at 2lbs 11 oz) he has started to latch on and drink small amounts of milk from me. which is GREAT since he's not supposed to know how to suck, swallow and breathe yet. OH what a joy it is to see him do this at 33 weeks when they don't usually start trying until 34ish. He is a CHAMP at it. His head size is staying stable so he gets to stay down in provo unless things change. but we only see them changing for the better. He was put back on a cannula yesterday because he is focusing all of his energy on learning to eat and wearing himself out. They tell me it's totally common and normal. as he grows he'll get the strength to keep his numbers up and be off of it. No biggie they say. He was moved to a crib!! no more incubator for him. It's getting hard to leave him every day. when He sits there and stares at you and holds your hand. just a few more weeks. just a little longer... Last week they came and took a few pictures of Liam and I to put on the new Utah milk bank website and brochures. Word got out that I'm a milk cow (really I am.... 70oz a day worth...) and that Liam was cute as a button and they came and paid us a visit. excited to see where they put us :)

A little update about a little guy

Oh Liam... you have been keeping us on our toes SO much lately. Every day we have Liam's head circumference measured to make sure that the blocked ventricle isn't growing too fast and is smashing his brain. He is supposed to grow 1cm a week. He has big growth days. like 3/4cm days like yesterday. and 1/4cm days like the day before. and then there's no growth days like today. We like those. Because it keeps his growth in check. He has a big head. that's for sure. But all our kids have had them. 99%tile heads. all 3. So we wait. and keep an eye on his growth and make sure it stays on the right growth curve. if it grows too fast, he'll be headed to Primary's for closer observation. if it grows too fast after that, he'll be getting a shunt put in. we are praying this is not the case. The doctor we looked at his head ultrasound pictures with, said that his ventricle is most likely clogged from all the tissue left over that he has from his brain injury. So hopefully it'll just drain itself out. SOON. Liam got switched his his very last cannula! and is getting lower and lower O2 levels. down to almost 1L. He weighs 3.25 lbs!! This weekend or early next week, the occupational therapist is going to start working with him and his oral work. Getting him ready for bottle and nursing. He also graduated to nursery B! GO Liam!! Nursery A (which he was at) is the new baby nursery. The critical babies are in A. B is for more stable babies and C is for almost ready to go home babies. We are very excited about his move. Although, that nursery is a LOT quieter than A. And it makes me uncomfortable. LOL. not used to silence and quiet. But I sure DO enjoy it. I hold Liam daily and every time I do, he is WIDE awake. Almost the whole time. He is a super alert little guy. We are so proud of our little Angel boy and all the progress he is making. Your prayers are working miracles and Heavenly Father is listening!!! Please keep them coming!!! I can't believe the improvement we see in this little guy in his first 5 weeks of life... from this...

To this...

God is good my friends... God is good.

One month down, Eternity to go

A couple summers back I was helping a friend get in shape. She wanted to be able to run a 5k and I decided I'd help her achieve that. While we ran she felt defeated and like she couldn't go any further. No way she'd say. so I'd tell her "let's just go to that mail box and then we'll walk for a few" when we'd reach that mailbox I'd say let's just push it and make it to the next one. And you know what? she would make it. Although she was certain she wouldn't make it to the first one, she did. And not only that, but she made it to the second one. Our minds, our bodies and our spirits are capable of doing SO much more than what we give them credit for. We think we can't make it. But if we try, we not only make it, but go further. Friends ask me how we are making it with Derek working 2 jobs, building our house, driving to park city and back every day, 3 small children and a NICU baby. Just when we think we just cannot handle ANY more in our lives, we are proven wrong. We are SO capable of handling a LOT. How? with the help of our Heavenly Father and family and friends. We thought we had our plate full before... but now we know we can handle everything that is thrown to us. A dear friend of mine wrote me a letter to help me through this difficult time. She's gone through the NICU experience and knows first hand how it feels. In fact, she's gone through a LOT more. Gosh I look up to her. She told me to believe people when they tell me that Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Oh how I believe that. We can handle it because HE is ALWAYS there for us. through everything. THAT'S how we can handle ANYTHING. I can't help but look back to this last month of our lives with so much reverence. So much thankfulness. An experience we will never EVER forget. We have learned so much from Liam, our Heavenly Father and people around us. I will hold this experience so dear to my heart. Liam is doing GREAT. His brain is apparently draining properly now because it's growing normally. The latest ultra sound shows the damage they though he'd had isn't as bad as they thought. He still shows some, but not as severe as previously thought. If you didn't believe in the power of prayer before him, you should now. Because the is living proof of it. His lungs are doing great too. he is up to a high flow cannula. He started on level 5 oxygen (highest) and was upgraded to a 4 but had too many swings of oxygen levels so they dropped him back up to a 5 for now. give him a little more time. He is eating my milk and NOTHING else. he is off iv feedings. He throws up here and there but is handling my milk very well. He is now 3.1 lbs! 1400 grams. what a good boy he is. he LOVES being swaddled. and has a lot of nurses wrapped around his tiny little fingers. He has touched the hearts of a lot of the staff. Everyone feels attached to him and everyone is very surprised at his recovery and improvements he does. I'm not. prayers my friends... prayers. He loves to be held by his momma. His numbers always look great when he's with mommy. And he always poops. yay me! Today he had an eye test and totally aced it. No signs of anything weird. keep the prayers coming my friends. He is living proof that He listens. He knows. and He CARES.

Eternally Grateful.

Eternally grateful. That's how I will feel for the rest of my life. I will look back at this really challenging time in our lives and feel so much thankfulness for the blessings that have poured onto us lately. I feel so completely overwhelmed by people's kindness lately. It brings tears to my eyes to think of the things family, friends and strangers have done for us. I wish I could express how thankful I am for all of it. and explain how much it means to us to have all the support and prayers we've been getting. Liam's progress shows it. He has so much love going his way that it's carrying him through this too. Never through all of this have I felt alone, or unloved or angry at the circumstances. We have felt so much comfort from the spirit. So much peace. We have NO idea what the future holds for Liam, but whatever it is, we are by his side. every single step of the way. with whatever he needs. And we can do this because God will be right next to him too. he'll carry him by one arm, and us the other. He can do this. Whatever the end holds. The biggest challenge of all of this is trying to juggle life, and life at the NICU. Trying to keep the other 3 kids happy. involved. and be present for them as much as possible. Derek visits Liam before work. I go at 10 to make it for his 11am care rounds. I leave the NICU at 2 to make it home for my kids after school and Derek and I go back together after the kids go down for the night till about 930pm. We try to sneak in visits as much as we can without being absent for the other kids and disrupting their lives. it's so hard. I'm exhausted. all the time. but we can do this. My mom and I took the kids to the mall on saturday to have them pick out a blanket to put on Liam's "bed". of course they picked fire trucks. Liam is making great progress. up to 2ml feedings of my milk every 3 hrs. His tummy finally seems to be handling it. and we can not be more grateful for it. This is big for his nutrition. so we pray he continues to handle it well. His respiratory is doing great. he is getting his settings lower and lower. the new concern that has come up is the swelling of one of his ventricles in his brain. it is enlarged due to poor draining of the spinal fluid. if it continues to grow, he will be moved up to primary's to get a shunt put into his brain that will help drain the fluid. We are HOPING and PRAYING that this will resolve itself and not grow any further so we can avoid that. The damage on his left side of the brain seems to be less severe than what they thought it'd be. The right side of the brain still shows "significant" damage. although they still tell us they won't know how it'll affect him. Or how his brain will rewire itself to regain that lost part. Angels are protecting him. And helping him. I know it. I can feel it when I'm by his bedside. The spirit is SO strong around him. I am SO incredibly honored to have this special little guy in my family. He makes me want to be a better person, and mother to him and his siblings at home. We can do this. whatever comes our way. Because we have amazing family and friends who will help us carry on. I have an amazing husband. Who makes me feel so secure and loved. As soon as I'm with him with his arms around me, all uncertainty goes away. Because with him by my side I know I can carry on with whatever it is that's coming our way.

BIG victories

Not only does Liam touch many people's hearts every day, but he also makes big improvements everyday. Some days less than other but yesterday was a big day. Liam was finally able to be taken off his intubation tube. If you ever want to watch a suspenful moment, watch your baby be switched from being intubated to being on a nasal cannula. He wiggled, a lot. it made me SO nervous. but the respiratory therapist was right next to me reassuring me everything was under control and that Liam could breathe just fine. He was just getting used to breathing instead of letting the machine do it for him. Throughout the night, he's been lowered on his oxygen levels and is back to the levels he was on the ventilator. He is doing GREAT on it. that makes this momma SO happy. His throat was a little inflamed from being intubated for 2 weeks so they gave him steroids to help that. But those raise his blood pressure, so he's on medicine for that too now. what a balance. it's an ART to keep this babies stable and happy. The doctor that gave me his update today said "today is probably his best day of life yet." he is doing GREAT. His extremity movements are symetrical and good. He seems comfortable and very strong. His tummy seems soft and has a good color today so they are going to try my milk again today. we'll see how he does with it this time. They have tried twice now to do a spinal tap on him to rule out infection, but have been unsuccesfull getting a good sample. it breaks my heart. But they say he handles them good and stays stable. He's off the billiruben lights now so he can be swaddled! it makes me look like a little snack size burrito. But he LOVES it. he is making leaps and bounds of progress. I finally got to hold him against my skin. He melted onto me. and my heart melted. he was completely content. and so was my heart. it was the closest he's felt to me since he was safe inside me. I sang to him for the two hours that they let me hold him. And I couldn't stop smiling. it was perfect. He will have to have an MRI when he is 6 months old so we know exactly the damage that was done to his brain. So we wait. and wait. Two weeks ago our life was crazy busy. With Derek building our house, two jobs, the kids' schedule, and just life in general. We had a full plate. And now, we have Liam. And his trials. However, I have never felt so secure, and happy and as close to my Heavenly Father as I do now. When life gets completely out of control and we feel like we have a plate that is overflowing on all sides we can turn to our Heavenly Father. He listens. He knows. And he cares for us. He won't let us fall. and if we do, He'll help us get up again and again. Sure there are days that I feel completely overwhelmed with life and our future. But the last few days, I've had a huge sense of peace. So much so that the sad tears are almost put away. Now I have tears of joy. Tears of the Holy Ghost telling me that everything will be fine. no matter what. Tears of the spirit reassuring me that he is there. to comfort me. to be strong for Liam, and my other kids. To make them all feel loved. The best I can. and when I feel like I just can't be there enough for either Liam of my other kids, he reasures me that I'm trying my best. And that Heavenly Father understands. My heart is so completely full of gratitude. for our family, friends, neighbors and complete strangers who have given SO much time and effort into helping us out with our kids, house, house work, food, laundry, and being there for us. I will never be able to express to anyone the complete humble heart I have torwards everyone helping us. I just want to pay it back to everyone. and I will.

Keeping us on our toes

on our toes. what an understatement. Every single day I wake up and realize that all that's happening is real. and that I'm not dreaming. And I feel completely overwhelmed. But then I feel a sense of peace also. day by day. and then it's manageable. Liam has been making some good progress. But it seems like it's one step forward, two steps back. Last night when I was there for my night visit, his heart rate was up, breathing patterns were high, oxygen was high and his temp was up too. after a dose of morphine and his anti anxiety meds (I wish they shared those with me...) his heart was still up in the 190s. They did a work up and we got a blood test result at 130 am saying his numbers were ok and that there wasn't an infection. A culture test was also done but that won't be done till tonight. They started on antibiotics to make sure it's not a blood infection or some sort of infection so we are waiting to see what is going on. He seems more restful today. Temp is normal, breathing down, but heart rate is still higher. He's off of my milk again because his tummy doesn't like it again. Preemies are so unpredictable. Last night I felt so helpless. My baby seemed like he was distressed or in pain and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. So I talked to him. and sang to him and held his hand. But I felt so helpless. I wish every day they could cut me up and shove him back in. make us both whole again. like it's supposed to be. but we are celebrating the victories. like the fact that I FINALLY GOT TO HOLD MY BABY! 1 week and 4 days after having him. His warmth, his spirit, his love... I felt it all. in my arms. it was bliss. I didn't want to put him down. He was so calm in my arms. We both belonged exactly in the spot we were at at that very moment and we didn't want it to end. We are waiting for his belly button line to be taken out so we are able to hold him every day.

Another HUGE thank you for all of your prayers and support. I am completely overwhelmed with love and caring from SO many people. just know that we appreciate it SO SO much. It's carrying us through. every single day. we love you.

Celebrate the little victories

Life sure changes in an instance. Priorities, the things we take for granted and the little things we celebrate. All of the sudden, things that were "important" or higher priorities, get kicked to the curb to make room for this journey. My baby crying, changing poopy diapers, and holding my baby as much as I can. Things that got "old" with my other newborns, have become something I look forward to now. Things I can't wait to do. Heavenly Father has a way to hep us get our priorities straight. This whole experience has been an amazingly spiritual journey. And probably will be for the rest of our lives. Things that have happened and things we have felt, that are too sacred to share. Our Heavenly Father knows us and gives us daily tender mercies to keep us going forward. Some days are easier than others. Some days getting through the shower without sobbing just isn't possible. And that's ok. Because this will be a life long rollercoaster of unknowns. will he hit his next milestone? or is this as far as he'll develop? will he ever talk? walk? feed himself? After this Sunday I believe he will. I expect him too. Because as latter day saints we should expect miracles. Our Heavenly Father is watching over us. And with enough faith, and work, we can wait for miracles to happen. Although Liam probably has about a 20% chance of walking out of this with minor problems, we know our Heavenly Father has a plan for him. Whatever it may be. But he's improving. Day by day. baby step by baby step. victories this week, I watched him suck on his pacifier for a good hour. and got to lift him up for a little bit. They started feedings on saturday but his tummy isn't liking it too much. So we wait. for his tummy to start feeling better. He'll hopefully be upgraded into a conventional ventilator. and then... I'll get to hold him. for the very first time. I'll be able to put him against me and feel his warmth. His spirit. I'll be whole again. It's amazing the love we have for our children after only knowing them for a few days. or even hours. He knows us. every time we talk to him he opens his eyes. I feel like I've known his spirit for a very long time. We're doing everything we can to keep the other kids' life as normal and routine as possible. Trying not to disrupt it too much. school, gymnastics, grocery shopping, dinner, bed time... as normal as we can so they feel secure. But oh how hard it is to leave Liam. I know he's in good hands. but I can't wait to see him every night. twice a day just isn't enough. I want him in my arms. Our family, our friends, neighbors, school teachers. Everyone is praying. everyone is being amazingly helpful with the rest of our lives. a big THANK YOU. to all of you. for all of your support. we really couldn't do it without you.

A week old

How can a week seem like 3 months? we feel like we've had this child with us for months, hospital visits, scares and medicines for months. but we just reached a week. Liam's clinical health is improving. A lot less medicine is being pumped into him. He's starting to use his lungs lots more and may be "upgraded" to a conventional ventilator in a few days. His skin is doing much better. He has his ups and downs of medicines he takes but overall is improving. The doctor says he'll make it through. can't guarantee it. But his clinical health looks good. He started on his first milk feeding today. we will see how he does with it. He can another brain scan today. The bleeding in his brain has started to subside. there's still a large hemorrage in his right side of the brain, but there isn't any more new blood in there. We wish this meant that his brain was healing and he was gonna get better. but the blood that went into his brain did some major damage. Liam is in a very high risk category of having some major problems. We sat down with the doctor today and talked about options. trying to figure out if you should pull the plug on your newborn or not is something no parent should go through. not even a bad one. Liams brain bleed is the worst they've seen around there in the last 6 months. but the doctor says he still has a chance of having a somewhat normal life. No one knows. only Liam and Heavenly Father know what's going to happen to him. He could end up with a little limp. or be completely bed ridden, being fed with a tube, and just living. We can't do that to him. But he has a chance. And no parent would give up that little chance their child has. Liam is showing us with his improvement that he's going to fight. and fight hard. He's shown us the power of prayer and the power of the priesthood are above all. He's brought people to their knees, praying to our Heavenly father for a miracle. Because at this point, that's what we're praying for. but why not. he's shown that he is a fighter and is going to fight hard. Pray for Liam. He needs a miracle. I got to change his diaper today. oh the things we take for granted when life is easy.

The beginning of a beautiful thing

As I sit here trying to figure out where to begin, I realize that I haven't really come to grasps with what happened nearly a week ago. A day where our lives were changed forever. I guess starting at the beginning is the best way to start the story. It was Thursday Feb 12, 2015. Just a regular day filled with school, pre-school, valentine's day gift shopping for the little ones and kitchen cabinet shopping for our new house. It was around 10:15 that night. All three kids were sleeping and Derek and I were settling in for the night. I've had braxtons throughout all my pregnancies. never thought twice about the ones I'd been having with Liam. I'd had more, but I was also chasing after three kids. I started having some stronger braxton's that night but didn't think twice about it because it had happened before. when I got out of bed to use the restroom before going to bed, I started feeling cold, shaky and had a strange tingling sensation throughout my whole body. I knew right then, something was wrong. I told Derek something didn't feel right and that I was freezing, and I mean freezing and that I couldn't stop shaking. we turned the shower on, closed the door and wrapped me up. the "braxtons" got a little stronger and then all of the sudden it was my back that was KILLING ME. I noticed it got stronger and stronger and that they were in some sort of pattern. I knew then that they were contractions, althought I was still in denial thinking maybe I hurt my back or something. Derek helped me inch my way to our bed where I was screaming in pain and couldn't breathe from the pain. I told him to call an ambulance. something was wrong. after a few contractions, I rolled onto my back like the dispatcher had told Derek to have me do and have him check for crowning. it was then when my water broke. The fear I felt in that very moment will never leave me. helplessness. I knew this baby was coming. I was crying begging this baby not to come. not yet. he was too little and wouldn't survive if he came at home. i was begging for the ambulance to hurry. Spanish fork city has a volunteer fire dept. that terrified me. Having had Derek in a volunteer squad on his first days of fire fighting I knew how they worked. and how trained they were. and it showed. they were as terrified as me. they put me on a tarp, which made me feel like a dead whale and they took me up the stairs and onto the stretcher. they rushed me to the hospital. took me to labor and delivery. and the controlled chaos started. Their main goal was to keep Liam in there. but his heart and my heart were too unstable. I came in with a 38 degree fever which alarmed them and told them maybe I had an infection. Which I don't think I did. the stress of labor probably did it. after an hr of observation they decided were both too unstable and he had to come out. easier said than done. they took me in for a c-section. VERY soon after the epidural kicked in they went to work. time was life. and we didn't have much of it left. they had my stomack pried open and one surgeon was elbows deep in my stomach trying to get him out. he wasn't coming. he was stuck. and every time they tried to pull him out my uterus would contract. my body didn't want to let him go. after a few minutes of trying they were able to get him out. but he went through a lot to get out. too much. after intubating him and getting him stable they took him off to nicu. my little guy was born. at 1:23 am on Friday February 13th 2015. at 2 lbs 11 oz and 14 inches long. he was stable. but things started to go downhill that afternoon. he had gone through so much that his body wasn't able to take it all. his little heart wasn't beating right, and everything was just struggling. the doctors came into my rooom and said "we need to talk. we're really worried about him". meaning, we think your baby is not gonna make it. The world paused. my heart broke. I felt so helpless. hopeless. in pain. a surgeon came back to try one last time to get a central line in to help him fight for his life. they were having a hard time getting any sort of lines going for his life saving medicines. and he was running out of time. this surgeon was able to put a line in through a large vein of his neck that went straight to his heart. We had been going back and forth on names for him. Liam...maxwell...liam... we went up there to give him a blessing. Derek came to me and said we need a name. I went up to him and grabbed Liam's hand. looked at him, and knew right then that his name was Liam. No doubt. it was like a message straight from heaven. Dad and grandpa gave him a blessing. from then on, he started to improve. little by little his organs and heart and everything started leveling out and stabeling out. then came more bad news. Liam had bleeding in his brain from the trauma of birth. it wasn't horrible but it was there. and unfortunately, it was growing. By day 5 his little body was doing MUCH better. very stable and improving but still critical. but his brain told a different story. the bleeding had filled one ventricle, gone into the brain and filled the left ventricle half way. Things don't look good. the doctors tell us he is in very high risk of getting cerebral palsy, delayed developement and many dissabilities. they tell us every child is different. and that no one but Liam will know what his dissabilities or the degree of them will be until we are facing them. my heart aches. so much. thinking he's probably going to be very disabled and not be able to do much. I may not see him graduate, get married or hold his grandkids. that he'll have a daily struggle every day to live. and then the most painful of all, the fact that I may have to bury my son. but then, after I run out of tears I feel peace. the spirit gives me peace. that although I hurt, and I understand the challenges and struggles we will have from now on, Liam is here. and alive. and So many people have turned to God for strenght and help. and that makes me happy. thinking of him makes me cry. and it also makes me so happy. I don't even know what to feel anymore. sometimes I feel terrified, devastated and want to crawl in a hole until this dream ends. sometimes I feel hopeful that he may be the exception and althought he was given all the odds against him he will pull through it. so I go see him. and he reminds me that he can do this. that he's got the fighting spirit to make it through. to not worry. everything will be ok. no matter what. that Heavenly Father is watching over him. keeping him safe. no matter what the outcome is. he carries me through this. keeps me in one piece. and picks up the ones that have already shattered. and tries to help me keep it together. day by day. hour by hour really... so we ask for your continued prayers. that Liam will be ok. that he will defy the odds they are giving him. Have faith that Heavenly Father can heal him. and make his life as easy as it's supposed to be. Liam is a strong spirit. maybe too strong for this life. and maybe will be too perfect to have to go through this life like the rest of us. His progress is up to him now. and I know his strong spirit will carry him through this. day by day. and his strong spirit will carry us through it too.